By Sabahat Ali

In today’s fast-paced, emotionally strained world, behavioral challenges within families are becoming increasingly visible. One such heartbreaking issue is when adult children become aggressive or even physically abusive toward their mother. To understand the roots of such behavior, psychologists often refer to Social Cognitive Theory — a framework introduced by Albert Bandura, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century.

What Is Social Cognitive Theory?

Social Cognitive Theory (SCT) explains how people learn behaviors by observing others, especially in social environments. It emphasizes the importance of observational learning, imitation, and modeling. According to Bandura, our behavior is shaped not just by personal experiences but by what we see happening around us, particularly during childhood.

In other words, a child growing up in a household where anger, shouting, or even violence is normalized may later replicate these behaviors in adulthood, especially under emotional pressure. This is called vicarious learning — when individuals learn by watching others’ actions and the consequences of those actions.

Example: Adults Becoming Aggressive Toward Their Mother

Let’s consider a real-world example: An adult daughter or son becomes hyper-aggressive, even violent, towards their elderly mother. This outburst may seem sudden or irrational, but often it stems from a deeper psychological pattern one that was modeled during their formative years. Perhaps they witnessed a father shouting at or disrespecting their mother. Maybe unresolved trauma, poor emotional regulation, or a household without healthy communication patterns created a breeding ground for future aggression.

According to Dr. Leonard Eron (University of Illinois), “children who witness parental aggression are more likely to become aggressive adults themselves.” This supports Bandura’s concept of modeling — we become what we see.

Psychological Triggers Behind This Behavior

Some common psychological triggers include:

Repressed anger or childhood resentment

Lack of coping mechanisms for handling stress, disappointment, or guilt

Mental health disorders, such as PTSD, anxiety, or undiagnosed mood disorders

Substance abuse, which reduces self-control and increases impulsivity

Lack of empathy, often stemming from emotional neglect

In such moments, the adult may become overwhelmed, “hyper and wild,” unable to regulate their emotions. The outburst may not be about the mother herself but the projection of long-suppressed emotional wounds.

Remedies and Interventions

Healing and change are always possible — but they require effort, self-awareness, and support. Below are some suggested remedies:

1. Therapy and Counseling

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps individuals understand and rewire negative thought patterns.

Family Therapy can help rebuild trust and improve communication between family members.

2. Modeling Healthy Behavior

Role models within the family or community should demonstrate emotional control, respectful dialogue, and constructive problem-solving.

Schools, religious centers, and media should promote empathy, patience, and kindness.

3. Conflict Resolution Skills

Adults need training in managing anger, active listening, and setting boundaries without aggression.

4. Spiritual and Moral Reflection

Many people benefit from returning to faith-based values, which emphasize respect for parents. Islam, Christianity, and most religions deeply condemn disrespect or harm towards one’s mother.

> “Your mother, your mother, your mother — and then your father.”
— Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, emphasizing the reverence due to mothers.

5. Accountability and Legal Action (if needed)

In extreme cases, abuse must be reported. Protection for elderly parents is a legal and moral obligation in many countries, including Pakistan.

Behavior is not random — it’s learned, shaped, and reinforced over time. By understanding the roots of aggression through Social Cognitive Theory, we can begin to unlearn toxicity and relearn compassion. Healing starts when individuals take responsibility for their behavior and commit to change.

No mother deserves harm from the very children she nurtured. Let us break this cycle of inherited aggression and foster homes filled with respect, peace, and emotional safety.